I don't get it

No offense but people at Valencia do NOT know how to be a good friend. One minute they are your friend the next they are stabbing you in the back. Or maybe one minute they are totally there for you 100% and then the next their problems are bigger then everyone elses. I see that happen and I try to be the opposite. I've always put other people before myself which probably is the reason I am so self conscious all the time. I mean there have been times were I need to vent to someone but then after it is my turn to listen.

See that's another thing that bothers me. I have one sided friends, I mean not all of them, but some it's just a one way friendship. I do everything and they give me nothing in return. I'm not trying to be selfish here, sometimes it's better to be the one to give but in other cases I wouldn't mind some care once in a blue moon.

I'm done with words of encouragement. Yeah I know that sounds strange but it just never gets me anywhere. There's a always a "but" that tends to follow or I get so excited and built up over something that usually tends to fail in the end. I get disappointed very easily and the last thing I need is false hope.

I seem to be the punch line of things lately. I want to be taken seriously, kinda a high school goal I guess. Like I've said time and time again people LOVE! to walk all over me. I'm getting so sick of it.

All I've been hearing consistently day and night is words of hurt. Everywhere I go I'm let down. I get so hyped up each day and I have high expectations for each school day expecting it to be the BEST DAY EVER! so to speak. And then it ends up like crap and I get upset. I take that upset home...I hate home... I get yelled out about grades to my future to were right now I'm lead down a road to being a waitress. Fun stuff right?

I need a break. I need a friend. I need comfort. I need a hug. I need a smile. I need respect. I need someone to listen. I need encouragement that will follow through. I need a plan. 

I need to be ok.