The clock is ticking

time is running out until LOOSE it


I can't handle it anymore....

Last summer sleepover...I hope you read this

And I won't get it this year. yes I still consider us best friends.I miss you more than you will ever know. You come up in conversations more than I would like because it hurts. I could confide in you EVERYTHING! You listened. I didn't need you to say anything, I knew you cared. You understood me. You checked up on me. But for the first time we didn't see eye to eye and that bothered me so I blew it. I blew a whole 5 year friendship out the window. I should have talked to you first. I was very juvenile in the way I acted. I can never apologize more for that. You mean the world to me.

This will be the first year since we were in 8th grade that we don't have the last summer sleepover together. That hurts more than anyone will ever now. Yous aid everything was okay but it's obviously not. I ruined our friendship with a blog and now I'm trying to fix it with a blog. Well trying...I miss you! I'm so so so sorry. I want everything to be the same. I was thinking the other day about thing in my life that you don't know and that's strange to me you always knew everything going on in my life. This fight needs to end...please <3

Sometimes

You have to remember that when it comes to liking, crushing on, or even loving someone that you can’t be scared to get hurt. You learn from relationships. I think when were younger we tend to forget that relationships are searching for our husband or wife or if anything finding the traits we want in a husband or wife. Without getting our heart a little bruised we won’t figure out what we want in our next relationship to mend. Even when you think you have found someone with all the right traits that you want you have to remember that ANY relationship in life besides the boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife stuff like friendship or the relationship you have with family members can have it’s obstacles or fork’s in the road. But when you work through it and come out stronger that’s when you know that is the kindave relationship that you want to nurish and grow, because in the end those are the relationships that last a life time. But even if it doesn’t work out and you get hurt it will help you in the long run.

You also can’t let a heartbreak consume your life. Once you let something like that take over your state of mind, it becomes a habit. Just let things take its tole and in the end if it’s God’s plan it will all work out<3

Used

 I feel used. I'm not saying I'm this great giving person but do I like to go out of my way to make people happy YES, yes I do things and DON'T ask for anything in return. This past year though I did a WHOLE lot of things for people and not even getting a thank you in return. I get so worked up about making people happy that I get really let down when the appreciation isn't as good as I hoped. I learn so much after these experiences. One is after I do something big for a person( like throw them a party of sorts) and then after I realized they never valued my friendship to begin with. Or maybe I listen to them crying about how awful there life is even when it's not and then when I need help I realize it's a one way friendship. Or maybe keep all your secrets and I tell you one thing and you tell the world. Or maybe even I rely on you to listen and you stay for a while and then your gone. Or maybe I listen to everything you say with no judgments and I need to let my feelings out with no judging and that's all you do loud and clear! I feel used like anything I do will get all the love sucked out of it and no sorry or thank you in the end. All I want is for once to do something nice for someone and having me after have the feeling of gratefulness and thinking it was worth it and not just another feeling of being a washed up used piece of crap.....

Fool me once...

"Fool me once shame on me fool me twice shame on you"

So I thought I'd give you a second chance. You easily hurt my feelings so I was cautious to give in. But just as the saying goes when you assume... You make all these excuses and mistakes and you don't except the responsibility for the outcome in the end.

You can talk the talk but you can't walk the walk

You'll never know how much it hurt me...

There's a difference

There is a difference in a friendship between caring and for caring but getting out deep emotions. Just because you care doesn't mean there isn't going to be problems In a friendship people say things ALL the time they don't mean. Other times thy say things they mean but not in the right manner. In friendships you work through things and come out closer and stronger. If you get through the roughy times that's when you know that it is a true good friendship. If you fight at least one you know that friendship is a keeper.

I'm doing the best I can I'm not perfect. But I put it a lot of time an effort into friendships. But what I've learned is honesty is the beat policy and you need to be open wig your feelings or else it's all a fake friendship. In general keeping your emotions inside isn't healthy and can ruin you in the long run. It hurts when you trying so hard to fix something that doesn't want to be fixed. I'm not a bad person and I'm sticking by myself but if my emotions are just going to be turned against me then fine.

But I deserve to be treated with respect. I deserve some support. I deserve to be treated better. Were not two anymore and friendships get more complicated. But there's nothing complicated about being treated poorly. I wish I could take back things I've Sao but I can't. Words hurt I get it. But words come from people and people set off triggers. My emotional trigger let loose. I underhand the upset with me but I'm not the bad guy. No one is! But I'm done with getting everythig turned on me. Let's learn to grow up and accept responsibility.

Forgotten

Your a day late not exactly a day but pretty much a day late. I know you probably think it's not a huge deal. It's not I guess. But I think it is. Which probably sounds really lame and you probably think I'm over exaggerating this whole situation. I guess I am but I'm sorry that i care. I'm sorry that i put time into things. I'm sorry that I actually cared about this. You mean a lot to me. I guess. This whole thought is a guess. A hunch. A thought. Now let's juts say hypothetically something came up. You could have called. A text. A message. An I'm. A wall post. Something to let me know that you were sorry or that you remembered. Because I feel forgotten. But this isn't the first time I would feel forgotten by you.

Forgotten

Hmm well here's urban dictionary's definition: "Alone; the feeling that no one cares and left you behind."

This past year I guess this is one of the words you can sum it up in. I never feel included. I always feel forgotten. I try so hard to be noticed. I do so much for people juts to feel accepted.. And in the end I'm just hurting myself because they end up not appreciating what I've done. I know that when I do things for specific people that nothing will come of it. But do I learn....NO. Of course not!  So instead I am overwhelmed.

And forgotten...